3 Ways to Cope If You’re Second-Guessing Your Divorce

Divorce may be an obvious, if not easy, choice. In some cases, it’s clear to one or both partners that the marriage is not working or is causing emotional harm.

What about when divorce is not the obvious choice? Letting go of someone you have loved for a long time is difficult, and you may have many reasons to stay together. Many people find themselves second-guessing the decision to divorce after the fact. It’s so easy to look back on an old choice and wonder if it was the right one. Could you have done X differently? Would Y have helped? Would Z be different now if you had stayed together? Did I do all I could have done to make it work?

Sometimes, these questions arise because divorce doesn’t bring the expected result, or hasn’t yet. Maybe you’re looking back and realizing the divorce was brought on by a mid-life crisis and internal change. Could you have stayed together through that change and come out happier on the other side? A recent article in Divorce Magazine talks about that idea.

Second-guessing such a major life decision is normal. But knowing it’s normal doesn’t always help. Here are three other ways to cope if you’re struggling to make peace with the past:

1. Speak to a therapist. If you didn’t begin speaking with a therapist during the divorce process, consider it now. There is nothing wrong with finding help in order to get closure and move forward. Life is short, and you want to focus on your life and your goals. A psychologist or therapist can help you get on your way.
2. Believe in yourself. This part is hard. While it’s easy to look back and see what you might have done differently, you’re standing in a different place now. Take a deep breath. Remember that at the time, you made the best decisions you could with the knowledge and information you had.
3. Seek distraction. Moving past the past is difficult. Find a way to move forward by looking ahead. What do you want to achieve in life? What new hobby are you trying? What goals do you have? Those goals might be small, such as taking a weekend trip with friends or getting all your laundry done this weekend. That doesn’t matter. The point is to set some goals. As one blogger puts it, you are the captain of your own life.

Still not sure about divorce? Our monthly workshop is for all stages of divorce, from those just thinking about it and those already in the process. Get your questions answered by registering for our next monthly event.